Narasi Perjuangan -- Kieran Pasha Ivan Sini

Kieran Pasha Ivan Sini, is the name that I have carried through my 18 years of life, and with that name, I have gone through various kinds of struggles whilst studying in my beloved school, HighScope Indonesia. Since kindergarten, I was introduced by my teachers to a variety of professions that are quite commonly found within the spectrum, and it is no exception that the profession as a doctor was included. Coming from a family of doctors, I believe that I understood what a doctor is in general. Like my friends, I simply thought that a doctor was a person who worked to cure people diagnosed with various diseases. Oddly enough, I was actually one of those people who in their childhood years, followed his instincts to pursue careers that followed what his parents did. Although it could be said to be wrong if it was used as the main reason for becoming a doctor, finding my identity as a prospective doctor did not stop there. Even in kindergarten, it really snapped to me when I asked myself, "Why?" That word embedded right to the core of my brain, all the way to the end of kindergarten.

As time went by, studying and socialization began to dynamically change as I grew older, and at elementary school, I found myself very interested in subjects related to science, especially biology. The complexity of the diversity of topics provided by biology lessons really interests me. For some reason, I often feel that biology is a calling to me, where I often would find my studying a certain topic, and had the urge to research about the topic more. Junior high came pretty fast, and I was slowly introduced to more complex science lessons. Human anatomy, disease and health dynamics began to be introduced to me, and I was very keen to study these topics in complete depth. From knowing things like various systems in the body, and diseases that also come in various forms and ways, the question "Why?" came back to question my identity. From there, I started to connect the dots between all the science lessons, and my general perspective of being a doctor, and thus created the basic framework of what doctors will face. I concluded in junior high, that a doctor is an expert who focuses himself specifically regarding a variety of health issues, that involve varieties of systems in the body, namely the threats or occurrences of diseases. Even then, I convinced myself that the world of medicine was the world I wanted to plunge into in the future. However, my curiosity regarding the complexity of the medical world also led me to actually figure out what medicine was all about. From there, I considered to consult about it to my father, who happens to be an obstetrician and gynecologist. In some days, my father would actually ask me to accompany him to the hospital to see what it’s like to be a doctor on the field. From such a young age, I felt like I was literally exposed almost every single aspect of medicine that I can take in with just the knowledge I have gained in junior high. From there I saw all the very sophisticated equipment, variety of healthcare workers, different demography of patients, in which was completely new to me. At that point, never have I thought that the world of medicine would be something very diverse. Overall however, the experience of being able to see the internals of the hospital first handedly was an overwhelming experience. I believed at that very moment that I had the calling of becoming a doctor.

High school came, and I came with a set of goals that I believed was crucial to becoming a doctor. 10th grade me believed heavily in ideals that moreover focused on making sure that my academics are set in high standards, and making sure that my social life is maintained. With those goals, I went through high school with at least a hint of experiences that I believed was enough to be a doctor. Excelling in academics was overall a success, but I felt like that wasn’t enough to be a doctor. But since 10th grade was all about building the foundation of a graduate in terms of academics, I felt like at that time, it was already quite the necessary steps to start. But one day, a gathering of students was held by the school to discuss the utter importance of continuing to university. University itself was basically something I never thought about until that moment. At that gathering too, I started to realize how important university was to lead me towards the world of medicine. If I could be honest, I had a moment of confusion and sadness regarding university right at the end of 10th grade. But thankfully, my father gave me a few suggestions in which one of them was Universitas Indonesia. With my father being a graduate from there, he actually showed me through his personality of how Universitas Indonesia shaped him into the successful obstetrician and gynecologist he is today. Not only that, after researching too, I found out that Universitas Indonesia’s Faculty of Medicine is actually still the most prestigious medical faculty in all of Indonesia. What was even more fascinating about it was the International Class, that provided the opportunity to study abroad. With careful consideration, I straight forwardly decided that I wanted to continue my studies there. From there, I viewed Universitas Indonesia as something that I could carry on as a pride.

When I entered 11th grade, I felt like I lacked something. It was that feeling that something hasn’t defined completely in my head regarding what a doctor should be like. Thankfully, the school provided me with opportunities to intern in two excellent hospitals in Jakarta to get the feel of how a worker in the medical field works. At first, I expected that I would mostly find science studies and just basically observing surgeries, but what I found out was that medicine wasn’t just about sciences; it revolves around social caring and empathy. From there, it really opened my eyes that becoming a doctor was something really dynamic. At this very point, I now believe that I’ve created the correct mindset of what it is to be really a doctor; to be someone that cares, tries to help while considering ethical judgement, and to provide professional help for both social and bodily issues. With what I formulated, I felt like it was something I wanted to do from the start. The motivation to help people really drove me further to study hard, and to achieve the best of the best, to be able to fulfill my dream of becoming one of the pioneers or at least someone who can create change in the medical world. I took 11th grade as a medium for me to practice and develop soft skills, in which focused more on communication and empathy, through events and organizations such as the student council of my school, as well as joining several MUN competitions. I even took the time to help friends in need, regarding relationship problems, academic problems, by at least being a person that cares about them and has the want to help and understand them.

Entering 12th grade, I felt ready to take my next step forward. In my path however, I had a few obstacles that were in the way of me entering my dream university. Talent Scouting, SBMPTN and SIMAK what I had to prepare and face when I would reach the end of 12th grade. I took the opportunity to study, train my mentality, as well as familiarize with the things needed and required for me to be able to consider myself worthy as a Universitas Indonesia student. Tests finally came rolling in, and through Talent Scouting, I was sadly rejected. That however didn’t stop me, because I knew that there were still a few opportunities for me to enter my dream university. Next up was SBMPTN, in which I had to participate in the UTBK to gain my scores to apply. I took every single surge of energy I had to study and prepare myself for the test. Ultimately, when the test came, I was quite shocked to see how difficult and different the test was than my expectations. Of course, when the results came, I was not too surprised to see that I didn’t even pass the two selections that I chose to continue my studies to. Finally, came SIMAK in which was basically my last resort and hope. 14th of July was the test date that I received from Universitas Indonesia’s website, and with just approximately a month of time available for me to prepare, I took the time to manage the schedule I would use before the test came. Obstacles however, came from left to right, with vacations and family rituals that hindered with my studying. Being overwhelmed with so much going on in my schedule, I recall within the last few days before my test, I was placed in the position of almost giving up. With all that I had left, I went to the prestigious campus of Universitas Indonesia on the 14th of July, 2019, to conduct the SIMAK entrance test. I remembered completely how I was shocked to see how difficult the test was when I opened the test book. I could say that I had at least around 40% left of my energy that I optimized completely during the test. If I could be honest, I probably was able to only fill in the biology questions with proper reasoning. Once the test was over, I left the campus in utter awe, knowing how badly I did the test. But I was a bit relieved knowing that I was actually accepted in another university, also majoring in medicine. That very thought really just made me try to forget about how badly I did during the SIMAK entrance test. It was sad for me to literally change my mindset to give up about my dreams of entering Universitas Indonesia, but I believed that if I linger on that sadness for too long, being a doctor would be definitely quite the struggle. But suddenly, a glimmer of hope came on a very normal day when I was accompanying a friend to the doctor. An unknown caller reached out to me; yet I was so hesitant to pick it up, since I’m not the type to answer random calls. Turns out when I picked it up, a representative from Universitas Indonesia announced to me that I was eligible for the next step in the test, which was the psychological and interviewed tests. I remembered down to my core that I was filled with euphoria. They announced to me that the tests would be conducted on the 22nd and the 24th of July, so I had to prepare quite much before the day. I watched several YouTube videos as well as receiving advice from my father regarding how to bring out the best performance during the interview. Moving forward to one day before the psychological test, I remembered that I was so ready for the test. I slept quite late however, literally preparing my mentality to be able to pass the psychological test. When I conducted the test on the next day, it was quite tiring to see 566 questions being pummeled at me on such short time. I completed the test just right before the time ends, so I was quite relieved to know so. Then the interview came, and it was in the MMI format. The feeling of having to move through stations really scared me, as I know that the questions would be differentiated into completely different assessments. But I fought through the fear and just went with it. Once the test was over, I was quite happy with the result, since I was able to formulate answers in the way I wanted them to. Moving on to the 5th of August, I started university in the aforementioned one above, feeling a bit heavy hearted knowing on that day too, the SIMAK announcement was to be published. However, whilst feeling like the odds of me getting accepted were quite slim, I was still really nervous about it. I remember every second was literally like hell, just mocking at me with thoughts that I would not get accepted in my dream university. Then came the time when it was 14:00, and for some reason, I decided it was better if I knew the results right away. Because of that, I opened up the website during class to find out that; I was accepted in Universitas Indonesia’s International Class of the Faculty of Medicine. I really could not believe what I saw on that day.

Being accepted in Universitas Indonesia’s most prestigious faculty, I carried several hopes and dreams that I would try to achieve and hopefully fulfill during my studies. For myself, I hope that with the opportunity given to me to study in the most prestigious university for medicine, I can bring impact to the world, specifically in the medical perspective of things, through my contribution as well as initiative to create a much more healthier environment for the people of Indonesia as a medical student. With my entrance and admittance as a medical student in Universitas Indonesia, it becomes such an honor and a prestige to my parents knowing that I will be partaking in advanced studies provided by the university. Knowing that it requires hard work and dedication to place me in a university such as this, I hope that I will one day, be able to pay back to my parents for what they have given me, by becoming the doctor that I always wanted to be. For the people also, I hope that I can provide with all that I have; care and attention to the people who need it, and hopefully one day, I can actually contribute to the welfare and health of the people. Last but not least, my fellow colleagues in the 2019 batch, who worked day and night to enter Universitas Indonesia’s Faculty of Medicine, I also give hope that when the time comes that when every one of us become prestigious and meaningful doctors, we can remember that we are in this journey together, striving to be Indonesia’s heroes by saving lives.

As a prospective doctor, it takes a certain journey to be able to find what it really takes to be the doctor that we want to become. With that, I figured that I would plan my next years in the future to see where I wish can be in future. In the first year after today, I see myself still studying hard in university, while also creating connections with my fellow colleagues by participating in organizations, as well as gatherings. Three years after today, I see myself preparing myself to study abroad, in which I have considered carefully to continue to Monash University. In that year also, I would have created various connections as well as contribution towards organizations that I have planned to continue with. 10 years in the future, I see myself finishing the years of my study as an obstetrician and gynecologist, in which has been a focus of mines since high school, and I wish that from there, I have helped a great quantity of people in the Indonesian demography. Finally, 20 years in the future, I see myself with a happy family, a happy life, and a very promising Indonesia in the healthcare aspect. I hope to continue my contribution towards Indonesia as a chairman of my father’s hospital, as well as hopefully creating organizations to continue research in terms of reproductive healthcare.

Finally, to those who are about to face what I’ve been through these past few months, or who have been struggling to be in my position, I really want to say to you, do not give up. I know everyone who tries to enter this prestigious university, especially in medicine, carry the dignity and diligence to create a prosperous Indonesia in terms of healthcare. As a prospective doctor, you must carry that diligence towards your whole life, and trust me, you will have the opportunity to shine. Rejection is something that is very common, and even to get to where I am, comes lots of failures. Do not take that failure as something that will bring you down forever, but learn from it and try again. Indonesia needs doctors who can commit to the prosperity of health here, and are not afraid to fail. I really hope in the future that I get to see very fresh faces of people who are willing to sacrifice their time to make Indonesia great again.

My father once said to me, “Life is precious, and as a doctor, you have the opportunity to save what means the most to everyone.”